Christmas Crushes and Calculator Crushing
by best with breadsticks
Summary: One-shot: Still dreaming of his kiss with Wendy, Baljeet can't imagine how this Christmas couldn't be the best one ever, but Buford's determined to change that theory. Tag to "Christmas Vacation"


Author's Note: I have a lot of reviewing and writing to do, don't I? Yeah, I know. That's why I switched fandoms from SWAC, so that I wouldn't be mauled or anything...okay, not really. I just really wanted to write a Christmas related story, and I watched _The Phineas and Ferb Christmas Special_ with my step-brother and my sister. And so, I really wanted to write a story about my favorite character in the whole series...Baljeet!. He's just too darn adorable. So, thus was made. This is actually what I think might have been happening in the very last scene in the credits of Buford and Baljeet.

I'd like to dedicate this to my step-brother, Ethan, because he loves this show much, and my sister, Mikayla, because she loves Baljeet with me.

Disclaimer: I do not anything _Phineas and Ferb _related.

***

Danville had been dark and ominous not a day ago, but now it seemed as if all was right again. The city wrongly accused of being 'naughty' had reclaimed their 'nice' status, and there wasn't a person in town who wasn't smiling about it.

But though the entire town grinned, there was one smile that was somehow brighter than the rest; and no, it wasn't that of the boy who wanted to be like his hero Santa, or the girl who got her crush the perfect gift. It wasn't even the boy who played the blues on his harmonica.

It was a boy still dreaming about his sweet kiss under the mistletoe with Miss. Wendy.

Her small peck on his cheek just wasn't enough. He wanted the full effect. Thus he swept her off her feet and gave her a sweet kiss upon her lips. She didn't even know what had hit her, until she heard him throw her a quick "Later", before exiting her home. Her hair was tousled and her head was reeling for a moment, but she regained her composure eventually.

Baljeet had left a bit of a smirk upon Wendy's face. She not only had gotten her really big hat, but she had also received a kiss from future valedictorian of their class, what more could a girl want?

Back in Danville presently, the smile playing on Baljeet's was that of young boy lost in woolgathering and daydreaming. He gazed off blankly, not paying attention to Buford creeping up behind him.

He did, however, realize his presence behind him, when he felt his underwear being pulled up and over his head.

"Atomic wedgie!" Buford's resounding laughter filled the air, as Baljeet cringed for a second, while his un-comfort level rose. "You've got to love the classics."

After Baljeet's underwear was completely over his face, Buford released him. Baljeet squirmed trying to free himself from his tighty-whitey prison, but failed. Buford's cruel laughter was the only thing he could hear from inside his undergarments.

How did dreaming of the perfect mistletoe kiss end up like this?

Nearly ten minutes later, Baljeet managed to free himself. His underwear wear now stretched beyond repair. Another day, another pair of underwear that were now three sizes too large due to a uber-wedgie. _Oh_ the life of being a nerd.

Buford stared at Baljeet, smirking wickedly. "I've got something for you."

"Is it a new pair of underwear? For a fear these are beyond repair due to stretching, and now the slight mess I may have made in them…" Baljeet crossed his legs to stop the trickle of liquid that was threatening to appear on the front of his pants. He smiled nervously, imagining what Buford was about to give him.

Perhaps a he'd give him the headlock treatment, or maybe he was feeling merciful today, it was Christmas after all, and would bless him only with a good, hardy noogie. He could only hope that the gracious Christmas spirit Buford had displayed last night was still in effect. He'd even take dunk in the toilet over some of the other more _creative _things Buford was able to come up with.

Baljeet swallowed hard, closing his eyes firmly, as he prepared himself for his usual bullying.

"You ready for it." Buford's right hand was concealed behind his back. He smirked at Baljeet's terrified expression. Watching others in torment was a pastime he rather enjoyed, and, as an added bonus, Baljeet was just fun to mess with.

He nodded swiftly, "Okay, give it to me."

"Alright, you asked for it."

Baljeet's eyes closed even further as he waited anxiously for the mauling, but it never came. He opened his left eye slowly to see Buford standing in front of him with his right arm stretched towards him. In the palm of his hand was a green, wrapped present. This was not at all what Baljeet was expecting, but just because it was a small, wrapped box didn't mean it wasn't a prank.

"Oh, thank you." Baljeet's eyes were wide in surprise as he took the box out of Buford's abnormally large hand.

"I just thought since its Christmas and all, I should probably do at least one more good thing before I go back to the dark side. Otherwise known as the 'Beating-Up-Nerds' side, or the 'Fun' side, as I like to call it." He followed Baljeet over to a table on the far side of the room.

"I'm sorry I did not get you a present." Baljeet looked a bit ashamed. "I did not realize we were friends enough to buy gifts." He hung his head for a moment. "I've brought shame again to my family."

"Nah, don't worry about it. You're face will be enough of a present for me, and plus I brought my own present to open." He held up long, wrapped gift. "Just go ahead, open it."

Baljeet nodded hesitantly, waiting for the bats to fly out of the box or some other such animal. He carefully tore off the paper, and opened the box to reveal a small scientific calculator. It wasn't the exact calculator he was hoping to get this Christmas. He had asked for a TI Inspire from his parents, but they hadn't pulled through. So, in a way, Buford had gotten him what he wanted. A calculator was a calculator.

Baljeet set the calculator down the table, glancing back at Buford.

"And now my gift," Buford's gift was opened in seconds flat, a baseball bat.

Before Baljeet could thank Buford for the calculator, the bat smashed down hard upon the device sitting on the table. Small bits of the calculator's workings scattering about, the plastic cracking and breaking off; it was like a scene from a terrifying math related horror film. It was from the kind of math horror film where everyone keeps dropping their graphing calculators on the corner, which cracks the screen, making the calculator useless.

Baljeet could do nothing, but watch in dismay as the calculator was crushed to its untimely death. He gasped, lifting the wreckage up to eyelevel once Buford had ceased pounding on it. His eyes were wide, and he could barely grasp what had just happened to this innocent calculating device.

Buford laughed at Baljeet's expression. "What did I tell ya? Your face would be enough of a present for me. And, thankfully for you, it is!" He cackled loudly, smacking Baljeet on the back. "Thanks for the great Christmas present!"

And with those words, Buford retreated from his place next to Baljeet.

"Santa Clause not coming, destruction of calculators, falling out of the sky on a present, a face of snow, being made into a snowman, having carrot stuck in my mouth, being forcefully pushed to the ground. What next? A failing math grade!? Ugh, next year I'm going to celebrate Hanukkah."

***

Author's Note: I hope this was enjoyable. Thank you for reading! And have a Happy Holiday season! :D


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